Don't Forget to Smile
by AuroraBanshee
Summary: When Blaine thought of his brother, he always remembered him smiling (and pointing). Had there ever been a sign that Cooper would take his own life?


___Disclaimer: I do not now nor have I ever owned Glee, and neither do I claim so. I use the show's character's with the utmost respect for its owners and am not planning any money-making schemes._

___Warning: While it doesn't get __too____ dark, there is mention of suicide. Read at your own risk._

___..._

"_Hey, little bro. I was thinking of coming out to visit you."_

"_Oh, wow, Cooper... Normally, that'd be really awesome, but I'm busy with my job and school and things have kind of been rocky with Kurt lately. Can I get a rain check?"_

"_Oh, yeah, sure. Just let me know."_

_..._

"_Hey, squirt. How's it been?"_

"_Just busy, you know? Things are good with Kurt again, but I've got exams coming up and this big essay I have to write."_

"_...Oh. So it's probably not a good time to visit?" _

"_Not if you want to actually spend time together. I'm sorry Coop, but it's really hectic right now with classes."_

"_Right. Well, you know, I've got some auditions I guess I could do. I was going to just skip them because they're not quite on par with my normal stuff, but __I could give them a go if I'm not doing anything anyway."_

"_That's great, Coop! I'm sure you'll get the part."_

"_Well, of course. Like I said, it's not on par with my normal stuff, __so__ I'm not concerned."_

...

"_Hey, I wanted to see if–"_

"_Listen, I'm kind of busy ri– oh, god! – right now. Can I...?"_

"_Blaine, what are you– Oh! Right, yeah. Sorry. Tell Kurt I said hi."_

"_Mmm..."_

"_...Bye."_

...

"_Blaine! How's my favorite New Yorker?"_

_"Great. I'm really sorry about last time."_

_"No big deal. About that visit..."_

"_Do you think we could just wait for Christmas? I mean, we'll both be back in Ohio for the holidays anyway, right? Then you can come visit me later in New York __and I'll show you around__."_

"_...Right. Yeah, sure. I mean, why not?"_

"_Great. Seeya then!"_

...

"_Hey, Blaine!"  
_

"_Hi, Coop. What's up?"_

"_Nothing much. I just wanted to let you know that when you're home for the holidays you can have my old record collection. Think of it as an early graduation present."_

"_Oh, wow. But you love those records."_

"_You'll get more use out of them than __me__. I called __M__om and told her about it already, so there won't be a problem with that."_

"_Why would there be? You'll still be there, right?"_

"_...Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"_

...

"_You've reached Blaine. I'm probably out with __Kurt, __the hottest guy in the world! Or maybe at the library __studying__. Either way, I didn't answer so leave me a message."_

"_Hey, Blaine. I guess you're busy. I was thinking and I realized I haven't given you any advice in a while. __S__ometimes I just forget about the little people. __So here goes: __When you're acting, smiles are important. If you're not smiling, people will think something's wrong, which could screw up the whole thing... I know you're going to make it someday, Blaine. __You may even be better than me, __and y__ou make me proud __to call you my brother__."_

...

"_Hi, Mom. I'm just about to leave for the airport."_

"_Blaine... Something happened. It's– It's Cooper."_

_"What's wrong?"_

"_They found him this morning. He – oh, god, Blaine – he hung himself."_

...

He hadn't picked up the phone the last time that Cooper had called him. He hadn't been busy with Kurt or studying at the time. In fact, that's why he hadn't answered. He'd just wanted some peace for a little bit. With the odd increase in calls from Cooper over the past couple months, he hadn't felt too bad about ignoring it; he'd just catch his brother later.

Would it have been any different if he'd answered that call?

No. As much as it hurt to admit, it wouldn't have been. Beyond having that last conversation with his brother, answering the phone wouldn't have changed anything. Cooper had apparently been leading up to this for months. _Months_. They'd had numerous conversations with this unknown fact just under the surface.

Kurt's voice broke into his thoughts. "It wasn't your fault."

Blaine shook his head.

"I should have seen it. How did I not notice something was wrong?" Blaine sighed as he laid back on his childhood bed.

Kurt laid down next to him and ran his hand through his boyfriend's curls. "You didn't talk to him much. You never have."

"But I should have. I should have made more of an effort." He pressed his hands to his eyes to keep the tears at bay. "If I had, maybe I would have realized something was wrong. Maybe having even one more connection with someone would have tipped the balance the other way."

"You can't know that," Kurt whispered. He shifted so that he was curled into Blaine, arm hugging across the other man's torso.

"No," Blaine sighed, bringing his arms down to loosely hold on to Kurt. "I can't."

Cooper's body was found approximately six hours after he'd hung himself. A neighbor had gone to return his cat, because, apparently, the cat had jumped out an open window. The neighbor, Ashley Seymour, hadn't thought anything of it since it had happened before. When she hadn't gotten a response at his door, she'd left him a message on his phone. Eventually, Ashley let herself in with the spare key given to her for house-sitting purposes. Her only intention had been to drop off the cat and close the window, but instead she'd found her friend's lifeless body.

The funeral was set for two days before Christmas. Blaine and Kurt had flown to Ohio as planned, but had quickly gotten tickets to go out to Los Angeles. Blaine felt bad for taking Kurt away from his family this time of year, but both of the Hummels had waved off his concern. They knew that Blaine needed him in California.

He'd soon found out that Cooper had left pretty much everything to him. He didn't even know why. What was he supposed to feel when the brother he had never been close to decided he was the person to get all of his possessions? Blaine had never been an active part of his brother's life. He hadn't been there through apartment hunting or auditions or failed relationships or anything of the sort. Blaine hadn't even returned Cooper's last call.

At the funeral, Blaine held Kurt's hand as the casket was lowered into the ground. In a moment where he wasn't consumed by his own grief, he wondered if this was how Kurt had felt at his mother's funeral.

During the repast, he caught up with Ashley and Kurt excused himself, leaving Blaine alone with the last person to see his brother alive as well as the first to see him dead. The two hugged, offering comfort despite not having known each other the day before.

"I'm so sorry that this happened," she told him. "He was too young."

Blaine nodded. "I'm sorry you had to be the one to find him. That couldn't have been easy." He couldn't imagine having that visual burned into his memory forever.

"It wasn't," she sniffed. "He always talked about you, you know."

"He did?"

"Sure," she said. "He always said that you were the best performer he knew, that you wouldn't even need his connections to land a big role. He'd brag about his baby brother Blaine, going to NYADA."

"That... that means a lot. Until the, um, the last phone call he left me," Blaine choked back a sob, "I never really knew he thought that much of me."

"He thought the world of you."

Tears were falling again, but he had one more thing to ask. "Did he ever... Was there any sort of sign that this would happen? Did he give any warning?"

As soon as he saw her face crumple, he felt bad for asking.

"Looking back, I feel like I should have known. He gave me some things and – " She cut off with a sob. "You know, they always say to watch out when people start to give away their things. It never even crossed my mind, though."

"I know what you mean."

"Can I, um... Would it be terrible to ask if I could keep his cat, Lucifer?" she asked, wiping tears off her face. "It may be a little morbid, considering, but he needs a home and I've always liked him."

"Go right ahead. I wouldn't even know what to do with a cat." And he didn't. His landlord didn't allow pets and, even if he did, he and Kurt didn't have the time or money to keep up with one.

"Thanks." She smiled at him, eyes still noticeably wet. "Good luck in New York."

And just like that, two people that were brought together by the death of another finished their conversation, likely never to speak again. Blaine wondered if it was weird to want to keep in contact with her. She was the one solid connection between Blaine and his brother's life in California, which he suddenly wanted to know all about. Why hadn't he ever asked before?

"Come on, Blaine," Kurt murmured as he approached. "Let's go back to the hotel."

They didn't speak during the car ride, nor during the elevator ride up to their room. Kurt unlocked the door and led Blaine to the bed. He guided Blaine to sit down, taking off his shoes and pressing a kiss to Blaine's forehead before he began removing his own shoes.

"He was always so happy, you know?" Blaine said at last. "Of all the people I've known, at work or in college or back in high school, I never would have expected him to kill himself. He always seemed well-adjusted, _stable_. I kind of resented him for it."

"A lot of people don't show outward signs. It's not always obvious." Kurt sat down next to Blaine and wrapped his arms around the man's shoulders. He hoped that he could offer Blaine even a little bit of comfort.

"You have to promise me, Kurt," Blaine said. "You have to promise that you'll come to me if you ever feel like that."

"I will," Kurt responded solemnly. "And you have to promise the same thing. You can't hide behind a smile all the time. You have to let people in, because we're not mind readers."

"I'll do my best."

"Good."

Blaine began to laugh mirthlessly. "You know what the last bit of acting advice he gave me was? He told me to always smile, because if I don't smile, people will think something's wrong." His sad chuckling morphed into heaving sobs.

Unsure of what to say, Kurt just held on tighter.

…

_Author's Notes:_

_This idea struck me a while ago and I just could not get it out of my head. I've been busy with ____His Forever Boy, though, so I didn't get around to it. (If you've read His Forever Boy, this actually isn't the fic that I was talking about in the end notes of Chapter 3. Also, I am planning on writing a fourth chapter for that. It just doesn't quite feel complete to me.)_

___Even if it's not that bad, it is a bit darker than my other Glee stuff. Let me know what you think!_

___Good or bad, reviews are appreciated and, as always, thanks for reading!_


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